We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We need to get me chipped asap
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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