i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
