it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
