The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize