I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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