i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
