If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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