Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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