she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
