There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
