***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
