What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We are two peas in an std pod
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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