It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ok first of all what the fuck
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
