He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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