you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She told me I should be a condom model.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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