I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
