The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
