Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My ATM looks so different sober.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
