His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
