He kissed a someone with a penis
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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