life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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