I think I just saw someone hide a body.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
