There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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