i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
