Sober January is a disaster.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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