My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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