Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
