im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
