i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
