First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
