handjob tips. give me some.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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