I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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