Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
