if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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