i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
