After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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