Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
