worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
