It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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