I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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