I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
