; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
