If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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