A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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