Whatcha textin bout Willis?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
