cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
4 words: hood of his car
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
