I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
