So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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