So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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