I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
