I just saw a hot homeless man
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
