Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
