He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
