He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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