i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
