One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
