So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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