Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
