yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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