i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
