the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
