There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
