I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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