my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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