I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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