is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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