: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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