So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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