We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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